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Roomsharing with depression

Life seen from the bottom of the well

Today I walked to the post office

It was nippy but I could smell the summer around the corner.

When I woke up this morning I went out to recycle the plastic and heard the sounds of the birds I normally hear in the hot summer mornings. It made me happy.

I have been doing the DVD now for 7 days in a row and I’m very proud of myself. I’m going to finish level one on Saturday and start the second level on Monday. It’s incredible how my body has progressed and what I thought to be impossible to achieve I did. I have put on a kilo though so I’m not very pleased with that !

Today is also the first day without fizzy water, I’ve decided to stop drinking it as I always felt super bloated. I drink the same but I am thirstier.. I will have to get used to it.

I don’t want to go to bed tonight 

Because I don’t want to wake up tomorrow.

Shades of blue

I’m lying on the bathroom floor in a fetal position , my head is leaning against the Persian blue tiles. I’m trying to take in all the warmth from the heated flooring but the inner coldness doesn’t seem to break; it’s like a February mountain lake that has been covered by too much snow.

I turn around to rest on my back on the arabesque blue and white bathroom mat.

It’s dark in the room and outside, I look up to the slanted ceiling, and a part of the white paint is illuminated by the reflection of the neighbour’s garden lamps.  For a second I take a rest from the pain, from the crying and the emptiness is filled by that irradiated small polygone of white colourant. It reflects inside and a part of me feels that glow, the current goes through my wires and I can see again through my watery eyes.

Seconds later, though, the switch is flipped off.

I am left on the floor remembering through the dark the vibrant hues of blue.

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